09 Mar IEP Defense to Offense: Learning to advocate for my Son
by Melanie Windom, Kentucky parent
Sometimes, a single conversation can change everything. For me, it happened during a busy shift at work. I noticed a little boy playing with a fidget cube and mentioned how much my son—who has an IEP—would benefit from one, even though the school would never allow him to have it. I said it in a way that made the mother know I needed some encouragement.
That’s when she said it. She looked me straight in the eyes and said:
“You are your son’s number one advocate.”
Her words stuck with me. She began sharing her involvement in her son’s IEP decisions, and it completely changed my mindset. Instead of staying on the defense—reacting and trying to keep up—I realized I needed to play offense. I started learning the IEP process, studied my rights, and learned my role as a parent. That’s when it clicked: as the parent, I am the most important person on his IEP team. No more quietly nodding while decisions were made over my head—I started asking the right questions, pushing for real accommodations, and making sure my son actually got what he needed.
Let me tell you, once you step into that advocacy mode, it becomes a full-time job of endless emails, surprise meetings, emergency IEP requests… because staying quiet was never going to get my son what he deserves.
Questions to consider:
The first question would be, what can I learn about my child’s disability?
Then, what is the school actually doing for them?
The next question is what am I doing to advocate for my child?
The bottom line is In order for a child to have what they need in their IEP the parent has to play an active role in the IEP planning. They are the number one component.
Being a parent or caregiver is rewarding and fun—but also very challenging, selfless, and exhausting. This is even more true when your child has special needs. In order to be our best self for our kids, we must take CARE of ourselves first. View our CARE resource for more information and supports.